Isabelle
It was a beautiful day around the beginning of January 2021, I had arrived from a tiring bus trip from Itacaré to Salvador and aboard a busy boat to the wonderful island of Morro de São Paulo, and how beautiful it was, soon on arrival there was a deck on which there was a pink gate with a giant arch with the coat of arms of the old empire, a fortress with its cannons and everything surrounded by an almost paradisiacal waveless sea, soon I touched it and it was at the ideal temperature, I smiled and I got out of that boat, my mother and I went to the place where we would stay near the so-called Terceira Praia, and everything was in a calm atmosphere, we were going to the beach, I stayed there in that calm ocean looking at the cargo ships that passed or the pier sometimes the people who passed by the charming alley with its countless bars and hotels, then I floated a little, looked at the families having fun and I felt one with the landscape for a couple of days I was in this routine that I would do forever for myself re, but life has its twists, one of those days on the same beach, I saw a beautiful girl in a black bikini, she was short and had the left part of her hair shaved, and she saw me back with a slightly embarrassed and shy look, and with the few waves and the current was dragging me in and we bumped into each other by accident, I apologized and went back a little until she suddenly turned to me and said "Where did you come from?", I stuttered a little and replied to she casually said no and that she came from SP, and from then on it was a conversation here and there, about the family, shame we went through, tattoos, hatred for children, people who clap for the sunset (I remember we did a ritual of applauding the lighthouse to make fun lol), we laughed innocently at every thing, like the man who looked like a modern version of the Buddha, and many other subjects, I had never had such a good conversation in my life because I always I was too shy and to some extent antisocial so it was al go totally new for me and on top of that with someone as beautiful as her but it got late and we said goodbye, i went to the room and i was happy for the day that had passed but sad to know i would never see her again like so many times happened in my life because I hadn't asked for your number so it was just for that...
When suddenly the sun was setting when from far up I see her silhouette already dark because of the shadow and her mother talking and I wave to where I was (I vividly remember that scene, her going down from the sand hill calmly to the seeing me while the landscape behind her was a beautiful orange in the evening) and told me that she would have to leave soon but she could stay with me for another hour, we talked and had even more fun, then past that hour but I had a courage that I never had before, I asked for her phone number because I didn't want everything to be in vain, as these opportunities were many times, and besides, we agreed to go out for the night, my first date.
I took a shower, listened to a bit of Wave-Tom Jobim and left, a little ahead of the agreed time, which was 8:00 pm, and 8:30, 8:45, time passed and I was worried about her , I got the Wi-Fi from a kiosk almost crying and called her on the phone and she didn't answer, I didn't think it would go anywhere until I went looking for her myself, I looked on the way up and down hills, going into stores, until near the central square I finally found her, and she was seductive, a black skirt and top, she waved at me, I talked to her mother where we would stay and we went together towards the beach and what a romantic date I had hahaha, I had a backpack with half a bottle of Guarana, the keys and a little bit of caipirinha we sat on bar chairs and looked at the night and the beach while we talked, we were walking along the beachfront and she said she wanted to get a piercing, we went to see if the store was open and it wasn't, and we looked at each other and I told him the one that we looked very much like a playboy couple, and we really were wearing rich clothes, she agreed with me and we started to pretend that we were, we started reading menus of expensive gourmet restaurants in French, I said to her "Sweetie, you're going to want a Fricassét de Escargot or an Omellette du Fromage is 110 reais, cheap" we laughed and laughed with these innocent jokes, we passed some guys from 40/50 years old and they wishing us good luck for the couple, we were sure they were spying on us so we went there a wall and we quickly kissed each other and she took a picture, I liked our first kiss, it was comfortable and I remember a light from a yellow pole illuminating us while the scene took place, that time was already at 11:30 and the mother she was calling on her cell phone and she didn't answer, we went back to the bar and found my backpack that I had lost, we climbed on a bunch of stacked chairs and went looking for her mother who was with a guy on the rocks, now I accepted her for the amazing day I followed the two for a little while and went back to bed happier than ever, one of the nights I slept the best.
The other day I went to meet her again on her last day in Morro de São Paulo, I spoke with her for another hour until we said goodbye on the pier, not forever because we kept in touch by phone we talked for hours until one day I remember being sick because Corinthians had been beaten by a rival, I acted in a very childish way and kept calling on a friend of hers to make me feel better what she repressed and blocked me, I did everything possible for her forgiveness and asked her for one more chance , that was the only time I had considered suicide an option in my life, until she surprisingly gave me the chance and I took the opportunity to vent about life and my past that were never good (a good part of my I didn't have friends in my life, I was antisocial, manipulative and unbearable to live with) and this whole situation resonated with her, she told me that she was crying a lot and that she wouldn't be able to talk to me because she had no voice for that, I asked her to talk to me through messages what if she could open up to me about everything and that she could trust me, so hesitantly she talked about her personal life, said that she had suffered from depression and anxiety since she was 10 years old and that she had been to various psychologists and nothing seemed to work, her father, she never saw her and her mother was not so balanced because she regularly suffered from seizures, she also said that socially she was never the best, always excluded and that she was alive because of this friend that I had married and I who, as she said, "was like a soul mate " and that I didn't expect that a boy she talked to on the beach randomly would become so important in her life, I said I wouldn't understand her perfectly because I hadn't been through such a hard time but I would do my best and about me being her soulmate I I joked about us running away and having a family in the country, the daughter would be called Marilene and she would work to satisfy us and we laughed a lot imagining how we would live together, I promised her that we would meet someday when whatever.
Due to the physical distance and lack of topics we started talking less in the other months, not that I had stopped thinking about her, I just didn't know what to talk about with her, but we talked twice a month and after a few months I was in a meeting in family, it was the first time I had had whiskey and I was not in a good mood and I see on my cell phone a notification from her, I was happy to see that she wanted to talk to me, so I replied the usual that she was fine and asked her how she was, she I said that I was very bad, then I asked her if I could help her in any way that I would be willing to do anything, she replied that I would only help her by shooting her in the head and that she was about to kill herself, she blocked me from her cell phone, I I vividly remember the moment I read that message and how petrified I was when I read it, nothing could comfort me, I cried a lot, I looked for her mother and her friend to see if she was okay but they both blocked me, I then felt a guilt huge and didn't know if she had whether killed or not, whether it was my fault or not, nothing, absolutely desolate I stayed for days, thinking and rethinking locked in my room, checking death sites every day in her city, I was alone and nothing else took me out of a state stop until I realized that I really needed a helping hand to redirect me, that was when M*** helped me, and since she helped me, she made a point of talking to me almost every day and comforting me when the most I needed it even though I've only seen her about 3 times so far and it's not very important to her, but that's another story...
But we stopped talking at once for a few months, but we had phases where we started talking again, it was always pleasant and we always remembered the trip to Morro de São Paulo together, it was good and we had fun in the calls that lasted whole nights, but on one of those hiatuses she texted me waving i was sick because i was missing a company like her and M*** were, that made me wait anxiously for them and when i talked to them it automatically became the best part of my day , they made me feel alive and made me ecstatic like no one else, but then she said she was fine and asked why I stopped talking to her, I said time was short and I was studying hard (which was kind of a lie ) then she said that she missed our conversations and said that she was too she didn't believe me and I told her that I always thought she was a very interesting and fun person, days later she calls me again and asks me if I could talk to her to go at night and that he would come to São Paulo and said he really wanted to see me and give me a lot of affection, I said he would love to see her but it depended on how far it would be so far so good, but as I said I was wrong and I was missing something , a sincerity, a truth, or a simple favor to tell me if I had ever hurt her and that it was real and quickly an answer to this question that plagued me every day, and she replied saying that she had never hurt her in any way. way i also said that the only thing she regretted was having walked away from me, then she asked me if i ever regret meeting her, i said no but that the time she tried to commit suicide made me very worried , she said that it was not her intention to worry me and that at that time she was weak and stupid because she was going through many things and that because of that she had made me worry for her, i replied that it was not her fault and that i thought she is one of the most brave for having resisted the temptation to get out of this reality even with everything she had suffered, she denied saying that she had not been brave because her suicide had failed and that the meaning was that she was no longer here, so I said it again, to me she was brave and that she didn't care what others thought of her and that she would never understand her perfectly because no human is omniscient and that I had not gone through what she had gone through but would try my best within my possibilities, she told me that only from talking to me was already perfect because it made her feel good after she told me that i was the only one who could fully understand her, told her that this was only possible when love had reached its final echalom but i wanted to reach with her that echalom had also spoken about the love I had and still have in some ways for M*** and the consequences that followed, she said that she had also dated for a while but regretted it enormously, who didn't really believe in love and that the only thing she did in her relationships was hurt others, I scolded her saying that it wouldn't be stopping believing that we would solve our problems and told her that there wasn't a person I rooted for more and prayed for. more so that everything would work out that it wasn't her and that she had already suffered a lot both mentally and socially because of other people and that over time she would resist and find people much better than me and I promised her that if she didn't if it happened I would never leave her and that I would stay and make her happy forever, she said that she would not find such people because there was no one better than me and that I would be the best person she had ever known, so I was stubborn and pathetic in my own way I tell her that it's not true and she responds with the most loving, affectionate and most passionate phrase that anyone has ever said to me "If I could choose someone to spend my whole life I wouldn't be you and even if you didn't choose me, I would still choose you", I broke into pieces with that sentence, I remember very well crying with happiness because no one had ever loved me that way, loved me that way, treated me so well with the most humble and honest words and there will not be, I repeat, there will not be a demonstration as beautiful as this one of love for me, it will pass the time maybe I will stay with a few more women, but I very much doubt anyone will talk to me in that way so the only one Isabelle spoke to me, and after a while just processing what I had read, I responded by saying that never in my life had anyone said something as beautiful as her and that I would never be able to return everything she had done to me but I insisted that I wasn't the best person for her (yes I am the villain of myself, yes I hate myself for my stubbornness, yes I bitterly regret that insistence) but she said yes I would be, she believed in me
For days she called me to see if I was okay and we exchanged romantic words and everything else, but the 30th didn't arrive, my anxiety only grew as time passed, I just wanted to see her and nothing else, I could just observe her. I was there only once on the day that I would be satisfied, until the day came, May 30, 2022, a Monday like many others, sunny but with some clouds in the sky, I started in a bad mood going to the same school as always that leaves me exhausted, but on leaving I could only think about how I was going to make everything work out, at 3 pm I made a plan that I would tell my mother that I was going to a friend's house to do a school project, simple, I went by bike to the airport which I estimated 30 minutes on Google maps and everything would be fine, I packed my backpack, wrote her a letter and bought her a chocolate (yes, I'm quite cliché), but I didn't expect it to start raining at 7:30 , half an hour before the appointment, I got angry and thought it was an injustice divine tiça that happen, my mother wouldn't let me go by bike, which would ruin everything because she would find out the truth that I wouldn't go to any friend's house, I insisted a lot and she accepted that she could go out if the rain stopped, I prayed a lot that she would stop and suddenly, the rain stopped, I couldn't believe that fate had granted me this favor, and off I went on a deflated bike to the airport, two minutes after I left the torrential rain began again, one of the heaviest in the world. year, and just as I wasn't willing to stop, I was going to find her either way, wet or dry, dead or alive, I also didn't estimate that Google maps was wrong in the time it would take, the whole way was a straight street that had countless slopes for 10 kilometers, but I was still soaked with the flat tire on the climbs and each climb seemed like my destination was getting further and further away, I was asking from time to time to people on the way if I was comingand they just replied that there was still a long way to go, the destination never arrived, all the streets were practically empty, in one of the avenues that I passed there was a frightening fog, after passing this avenue three blocks ahead I found a bridge from which they told me I would have I had to cross to get to the airport and I had nowhere to store the bike, I found a tradesman in a food truck and asked him if I could leave it with him until 6, he said no but that a friend could help me, the same could not and indicated a building that had a doorman that he let me guard, I didn't know them and I was at risk of being robbed but I had the faith that it would work in my favor and those who helped me were very friendly what it made me very relieved, I was very happy to have found a place to leave the bike and even happier to see that airport for the first time, I went up the stairs of the green and yellow bridge that was flooded but in this dust I didn't care, I ran to the other side singing Put on your sunday clothes, and I arrived on the other side, after about 10 minutes walking in the parking lot I found the arrival and I entered with the mission accomplished of having gone so far alone and I saw her, yes I did it and she was beautiful, with her beautiful short hair style Chanel with green streaks, she vaguely reminded me of the singer Helen Kane, she was also dressed in a jacket and black pants with two black boots on her feet, I just admired her from afar and I sat in a chair to wait for myself to dry off a little because I was in a deplorable state, I took my cell phone from my backpack and called my mother as I had promised her, after the small talk she told me to immediately give the cell phone to the mother of the supposed friend that I was at his house, said that his mother was not there and out of nowhere the airport radio plays and says 'FLIGHT 4558 PASSENGERS GO STRAIGHT TO BOARDING ROOM', my blood FROZEN like it had never frozen I looked for the bot I couldn't silence the call and I didn't find it and reflexively I hung up the call on her face, I called my mother again saying that my signal was bad and that I would have to hang up because I was going to take a shower, I turned off my cell phone completely so there would be no more risks,
After that I finally arrived at the Starbucks at the airport where Isabelle and her mother were and I talked to them, first I talked about their trip to Recife, how it had been, they replied that it went well despite the constant rain that there was there and we talked for 30 minutes about various things, so we walked together through the airport hand in hand and sat on a bench in a corner where there was a migration guard at the front and beside a hidden laboratory entirely covered by a black curtain and we talked for a while more about drugs, music, the school she hated and hates a lot of her school and I tried to say that everyone there could be bad people due to their insecurities and that she should talk to them in a more understanding way, she understood me and admired my point of view but I said I couldn't and we hugged each other comforting each other for a while, but then we started doing what we do best which is having fun, so I said to We went to the lab hidden in front of the guard and we did and I almost fell out of there, we laughed and started talking loudly from that hidden place things for people outside to hear the sound and not know where it was coming from like "JESUS IS COMING BACK ", "BE CAREFUL WITH THE CAPETA" and we laughed a lot, we hugged for a while longer and I thought about dancing, I put it on his cell phone Nocturne Op.9 and we danced slowly in our own way, he stopped a little, looked sideways at his beautiful face and admired the moment as a whole, a singularity with the environment in which our hearts beat together, I pretended that I was going to kiss her and told her that I would not go now because I wanted to take her by surprise, we stopped dancing, we talked about dancing until I asked her to stop walking for a while, I looked at her, I was admiring her, I closed my eyes, she too, brought her close and we gave a quick peck that gave space to several continuous and passionate ones until it became a long one, we advanced to the wall and the best feeling of my life started, we kissed a lot and started to involve our tongues and it was so good, but so good, like a chocolate melting in the mouth and we went in different positions, she on my lap, I on top of her, she on on top of me and we didn't stop, she moaned when I pulled her waist and she started to give me immense pleasure with her hickeys on my neck and I smelled her whole, she was all perfumed but there was a moment when I was on top of her and she I said that I never wanted this moment to end and I said that I felt the same thing and my god how we talked to each other, moans of I love you, passionate looks and her unique and exclusive affection that no one had given me, I felt that I wanted to be there in that laboratory with her forever, she sweated a lot and told me that she had waited a while because she was sweating a lot and we had to rest and that we would come back soon after, until she saw her cell phone and said that we lost time because she there were arranged to meet her mother an hour before, we ran to see her mother.
Her mother was eating at a kiosk that was there, we spent some time talking and eating, we couldn't leave the mother's side for a while so we stayed there and we were judging people about who would survive in a zombie apocalypse, we judged everyone who was in that airport and I also gave her the card I had written, a playing card (specifically an ace of hearts), a bracelet and a chocolate that minutes later would have melted in her hands, when she looked at me and told me to look at her hand, we went out running without caring what her mother would think, we went to the bathroom and she washed her hands, we walked hugging around the airport avoiding the sight of guards, but as it was cold we were alone on the third floor where it was warmer and went out to see what there was an automatic door on that empty floor, and it was a wet patio that at the back was an aeronautical construction, when we saw what it was we crouched down to avoid being seen, shouted something against the military and left s running back into the room we were in, I almost slipped on that wet floor and we laughed at what we had done back in the room, there we hugged and kissed again this time lying on a golden bench in the facade of an empty restaurant until that she saw that we were being recorded by like three cameras and wanted a more private place so we went to the first floor in the ladies room and continued and my my she was so fragrant and she knew what i liked to do, she gave every hickey on my neck what I didn't believe and what about the tongue kisses when they fit perfectly and we felt each other, it was magnificent, she then took my clothes off, put her hand firmly on my chest, started to caress it and take my cock and we continued frantically, she took off her coat for the heat and underneath she had a white top with a skeleton hand still underneath there was a lilac bra and underneath was her beautiful right breast that she had let me take her for the first time and in emotion she started to pay a blowjob and she not only did it with such a sweet look but she did it very well so much that I insisted she do it several times and we only stopped 30 minutes later because there were people entering the bathroom to make the normal use of a bathroom so we decided to leave, we went to find her mother who was eating a snack at the Starbucks table, she asked us where we had been and spoke to Isa personally, she told me that she was mad that we had stayed for a long time and that she knew we were kissing because of the hickey marks that were on my neck, so we agreed to stay there for a while and that it would be better to be present for at least an hour and it was kind of nice to talk to the mother since it was fun, she showed me the photo of the document in which Isa was very shy and didn't want me to see it in the end she dropped some juice on the table and well....it was disastrous to say the least, then she went to ask for an s something for us and as they were behind the counter and the mother couldn't see us we kissed again and as her mother was cold we went up to the second floor and Isa invited me to go to the elevator, she eyed pencils while I spoke "Isa, I want to talk to you about something serious" and after I said everything I thought about us and it's definitely the thing I regret the most in my entire life, I told her that I felt like I wanted to be a person who would serve as a bridge to an improvement in the state in which she was emotionally, so that she would find someone better than me to take care of her and make her happy because I was not perfect and that all that could generate an emotional dependence on her part, little did I know how much I was wrong and because everything happened the way it did.
Horrible, simply horrible what I did, unforgivable, she cried a lot on my shoulders saying that she didn't want another disappointment, that she wouldn't have an addiction because she didn't have anyone, that she couldn't take another one and that I would be that right person, that she trusted the most, that she loved and that she wanted me more than anything for her even when I denied it and I know they are thinking that I am a bastard that the only thing he does is deny and I would agree with you perfectly.
I also had some tears streaming down my face and I thought that deep down I could be wrong with my attitude but I didn't correct myself, she lay down to calm down and I followed her until I saw that her mother had slept and that we could leave. from there, so we did, we walked around the airport sometimes holding hands, sometimes holding each other, everything was new to me: the feeling of being loved, having affection, loving someone physically and emotionally and I was just experiencing each of the flavors of love, We went to forbidden places where there were guards, we took a ride in the airport cart, and finally we went to the bathroom again, and she took a pill of seizure medicine, crushed it and we sniffed that powder together, we went back for a drink and started that crazy thing again. and wild adventure taking her to the cabin in the middle of kisses, she took off my clothes and she in her shy way turned so I wouldn't see her and what a rare beauty, it wasn't just any body, it was perfect, she was just white top with the lilac bra that she gave me complete freedom to move under it and my dear, what a unique pleasure, we did everything in that little cubicle, I prefer not to specify but you can imagine, what I can say is that it was magical...
After an hour together in that paradise we calmed down and saw that there was only another hour left to see each other because at 6 I had to go to school, so we spent another twenty minutes walking around and talking about what we thought, I asked if she liked it but she replied yes and that we could do it again in the future, there was still time to deliver a handwritten letter, a bracelet and a letter from the queen of hearts, she gave me a ring that she made herself that I still wear on my ring finger, we found two suspects that Isa asked if I doubted that she would ask for marijuana for them and they would give it, she did it but they couldn't give it to her because they didn't have it, I just laughed at that because she left all embarrassed to talk to me that they they didn't have it, but then we went to look for her mother, we went where she was and nothing, in the lobby and nothing, on all floors and nothing from her mother until we found her and as it was about 5:50, she and I we explain by the time and we pack the suitcase , Isa was very thoughtful and was staring at the ceiling but when it was 6 it was time to go, we looked for a taxi for them to drive to the bus station and found, the sky was cloudy, dark and the clouds were pink, the mother talking at the front door with the taxi driver and Isabelle at the back door, our last and deepest kiss and our farewell taking place, as I walked away from the car she waved at me and disappeared into the horizon. It was beautiful.
On the way back I could only think about her and how I would see her again, nothing else, how beautiful she was, how kind she was, how everything could come true in a beautiful future for both of them, the problem is that over time I became even more unbearably needy than she normally was, talked about plans for the future and how we would be happy, she asked to take a break and then a spiral begins that has not ended until today, everything ends the same way with one day not being the enough to satisfy a lifetime, after 5 months, with each passing day more that time seems like a fever dream and sometimes it seems like it never happened and it was all a lie, what i know is that i remember every day the feeling of optimism, love, from the pleasure I once had with Isabelle, I don't know if I'll recover one day from that but we'll be here together fighting everything.
Thank you reader.